6 Most Important Things to Remember When You Love Someone with Anxiety

6 most important things to remember when you love someone with anxiety

Have you ever think about this?

Imagine your loved ones sitting on the sofa with shaking hands and sweating forehead, and you don’t know what to do.anxiety is the most common mental disorder

This might not happen to you. But, anxiety is the most common mental disorder in US – with 10% of teens and 40% of adults suffering from anxiety, the possibility is endless.

So, here is your cheat sheet. most important things to remember when you love someone with anxiety:

1. They also think that anxiety is pointless

We think that feeling anxious is irrational and pointless, and we’re trying to tell this to anxious person. The fact is, they knew this already.

Telling this to them only makes thing worse, they will blame themselves. Understand that knowing this doesn’t help them overcome their anxiety.

2. They get tired easily

Although classified as mental disorder, anxiety is physically tiring. Anxious people are always on alert, their mind and body are constantly on hyper tense state. Anxiety symptoms like rapid heartbeat and short breath cause physical tiring too.

Ever had a stressful workweek when you feel “can I take a break?”

That’s how anxious people live their life.

Study found that although resting reduces anxiety, it doesn’t help against stressful event (Smith, 2013). Instead, light, everyday exercise does.

3. Asking “are you okay?” to them is useless

Asking “are you okay?” to a person with shaking hands, sweating body, and rapid heartbeat is useless because you already know the answer: no.

You can instead say this to them:

  • “You’ve got past this before, you’ll get past it again.”
  • “I’m here for you.”
  • “Remember to (do things that has helped them before).”

4. They may never go to psychiatristanxiety is often ignored and untreated

The shocking facts are:

  • 2/3 adults don’t treat their anxiety.
  • Only 1 of 5 teens treat their anxiety.

So, when you recently married someone with anxiety, you should ask him “have you ever go to psychiatrist before?”.

5. They need to be understood

6 suicide happen in Australia everyday, many victims have anxiety disorder.6 people in australia commit suicide anxiety disorder

Anxious people are different from us. They often (falsely) jump to conclusion when talking (Fraley et al., 2006), having sleep disorder, eat disorder, and hyperactivity. Research even show that anxious people tend to smell everything stink (Krusemark & Li, 2013).

Don’t blame them, they already blamed themselves. They just can’t yet overcome their anxiety.

Instead, understand them, be supportive to them.

6. They love you toohow anxious people love

Believe it or not, they love you too. It’s just difficult for them to think about it because they have larger personal space (Sambo & Iannetti, 2013), which means that they are loner. They also have tons of thoughts inside their brain – anxious people tend to overthink.

Deep inside them, they love you.

At the end…

If you can’t love people with anxiety, just let them go. Life is too short, live the life you want.

But, if you can love them, remember what Lao Tzu said years ago:

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

-Lao Tzu

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10 Signs of People with Anxiety + The Cures for Anxiety

Hello! Gum here.
Today, I (my name is Gum Fard, in case if you don’t know it yet) will guide you through this informative, roller-coaster list of reasons why people got anxiety.

The Philosophy

Have you got anxiety? Some people even got long-lasting anxiety (can be cured through therapy, etc.). Well, a good mechanic said:

Before we can fix a broken car, it’s good to know the sign which indicates that the car is broken.

This is somewhat same to our problem here:

Before we can fix anxiety, it’s good to know which sign that indicates anxiety. We want to know the sign, so we can know the reason, and so we can know what’s the rightest cure.

The List of Signs

After dealing with that philosophical things up there, we can now “deal” with the list:

  • People with anxiety are generally full of speculation. We know this from a scene in “2012” movie when the famous Dalai Lama told his student that his student is like a glass full of water. His student’s mind is full of speculation, and this is one of the cause of anxiety.
  • People with anxiety are often introvert. Lifting 90 kilos sandbag is better done with 5 people than one person; this is what I want to tell you. Introvert people are likely hide their personal problem so they face it alone. But there are times when we need others help, and that’s why introverts have bigger chances of anxiety than extroverts.
  • People with anxiety generally think too much. Depressed people hold too many thoughts than their mind can hold. This principal of depression is applicable to anxiety. Even some people got both depression and anxiety, unfortunately.
  • Almost all people with anxiety have weak mentality. People with weak mentality often regret the past; they often don’t have believe about something. Their everyday life becomes full of sadness.
  • People with anxiety are mostly uncertain about anything. People with anxiety don’t decide anything easily. They sometimes want an advice from others. They can’t naturally be a leader, entrepreneur, or anything that requires people with high level of leadership.
  • People with anxiety are not motivated enough. Anxiety usually starts when you don’t have daily quote, motivating people, and other things which can motivate you. People with anxiety that are not motivated like this become lazier and they become lonely. They become introverts, then they’re worrying about their life; this is the moment when anxiety usually starts.
  • Most people with anxiety don’t dream big. Most people with anxiety are non-believers. They don’t believe that things will work like what has been planned, Especially big things with big plans.
  • Some people with anxiety don’t believe life is beautiful. Some people with anxiety always regret what happened in their life. They believe that they are unlucky person who can’t life happily like others. They always wondering why god made them
  • Some people with anxiety don’t believe big dreams can be achieved. Some people with anxiety don’t dream big because they believe that big dreams are unachievable. They also believe that others’ big dreams are unachievable too.
  • Some people with anxiety don’t use logical thinking as much as others. Some people with anxiety just think; they think too much, they speculate too much, and they often don’t use any real example (what happened when other people have the same problem), and they even don’t use their common sense to think and speculate something. They just think.
  • The Fixes

    I don’t need to write the entire fixes; the fixes are all things that counter the signs.
    For example, if you don’t dream big, start dream big. If you speculate too much things, think and speculate less than you usually do.
    Just use your mind to see the opposite of the sign you are experiencing.

    Final Words

    I don’t say that people with anxiety will have all these 10 things.
    if you experience (some, or even all) signs above, start to fix yourself using the opposite of the sign you are experiencing.
    You can also check yourself to a doctor or psychologist (for anticipation), but I’m not recommend you to do that, because that’s a waste of time and money.
    By the way, thank you for reading. Please share, and ask anything via comment!

3 Steps to Find Your Passion Outside Your Home

Find Your Passion Outside Your Home

Hello guys! Gum here.
In previous post, I said that it’s better to make new friends via real life (not social media). And how to do that is to go out from your house, get into a community, and you’ll surely make new friends.

Yeah, of course this rule doesn’t work if your house is so big that there are hundreds of people inside it, you’ll make new friend everyday. Or in another case, you are unfortunately homeless so the outside world is your home.

The problem is sometimes people (maybe you) don’t have any motivation to go out from their home. They can’t find appropriate answer to “why I should go out?”. Of course “to make new friend” is an answer, but people must have a (or some) reason why they should be your friend; you can’t just walk out on the street, say hello to a man, talk a little bit, and you’re both now friend, making new friend doesn’t work like that.

You and your potential “new friend” must have a reason to be friend, like “we’re both like ice skating”, or “we’re both like boxing; sometimes, we punch each other; we’ve entered the hospital five times because of that”.

The key to find motivation to go out (a.k.a the answer) is to find your passion that is doable in the outside world. How to find this passion?

Find out and sort your activities from the most wasting-time

You’re a living thing and you do some activities. Some of them waste few hours when other just waste few minutes. I want you to sort these activities, reading this blog is included.

Categorize these activities into “things I like to do” and “things I have to do”

An activity wastes few hours of yours because either you like to do it, or you have to do it. Categorize sorted activities into two categories: “things I like to do” and “things I have to do”.

Relate “things I like to do” with outdoor activities

You can wipe out the “things I have to do” category. Please relate all activities inside “things I like to do” category into any outdoor activities. If you have some difficulties to relate these things, I have some tips:

    • Relate creative activities (like creating new song, etc.) with finding new inspiration outside your house.
    • Relate resting activities (sleeping, nap, etc.) with cardiac exercise (like marathon) because people with routine exercise tend to sleep better.
    • Relate entertaining activities (gaming, watching movies, etc.) with implementing what you’ve learn from those video games and movies into outside world.


That’s all from me. Ask if you want to know something, share if you read something beautiful, cough if you want to cough (duh!). Glad to give you something. Thanks for reading!

5 Things You Should Stop Doing to Get More Friend

Helloguys, Gum here!

get more friend
Source: Conductive Education

Do you feel like you’re living without anyone noticing, except your family? I think that’s because you don’t have much friends or your friends don’t like you or both. There are few things people (maybe you’re included) do, and more likely become their habits. These things make others feel disgusted, embarrassed, distracted, and even ignored. Yet, no one realize these things and doing them over and over. I mention some of them (maybe there are more) here:

    • Stop telling same story over and over. Except your story always has different “spices” in each telling session, your story will be ignored by others. What’s the point of hearing exactly same story over and over? It’s just a waste of time. You should stop this habit, seriously, it’s boring.
    • Stop talking too much. Wise people listen more than talk; this is what we need to do. By listening to others “this is my day going…”, and some other kind of opinions, we will learn something new. And naturally, human like to talk more than listen. So, yeah, people will appreciate you if you want to listen what are they talking about.
    • Stop being silent. By advising you to stop talking too much doesn’t mean that you are not permitted to talk at all. Be a communicative person; talk when you have useful information, funny comment, etc.
    • Stop ignoring people. Are you ignoring your old friend (few years ago, you’re in the same kindergarten) when he passed by? This isn’t good. When you ignore people, people will ignore you, the cycle will be exactly same like that for any kind of people. So, to get more attention, you should stop ignoring people. Say hi to every of your old friend, and even your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend.
    • Stop home-loving. You can’t be at home all the time, even if you also use social media. You should go out, make new friend. Online social media isn’t as effective as real interaction to grow strong relationship with people. Well, I have some tips to find your passion outside your home.

Yeah, that’s all from me guys, thanks for reading!
Note: I’ll be offline for few days (2 days expected) for a reason.