6 Most Important Things to Remember When You Love Someone with Anxiety

6 most important things to remember when you love someone with anxiety

Have you ever think about this?

Imagine your loved ones sitting on the sofa with shaking hands and sweating forehead, and you don’t know what to do.anxiety is the most common mental disorder

This might not happen to you. But, anxiety is the most common mental disorder in US – with 10% of teens and 40% of adults suffering from anxiety, the possibility is endless.

So, here is your cheat sheet. most important things to remember when you love someone with anxiety:

1. They also think that anxiety is pointless

We think that feeling anxious is irrational and pointless, and we’re trying to tell this to anxious person. The fact is, they knew this already.

Telling this to them only makes thing worse, they will blame themselves. Understand that knowing this doesn’t help them overcome their anxiety.

2. They get tired easily

Although classified as mental disorder, anxiety is physically tiring. Anxious people are always on alert, their mind and body are constantly on hyper tense state. Anxiety symptoms like rapid heartbeat and short breath cause physical tiring too.

Ever had a stressful workweek when you feel “can I take a break?”

That’s how anxious people live their life.

Study found that although resting reduces anxiety, it doesn’t help against stressful event (Smith, 2013). Instead, light, everyday exercise does.

3. Asking “are you okay?” to them is useless

Asking “are you okay?” to a person with shaking hands, sweating body, and rapid heartbeat is useless because you already know the answer: no.

You can instead say this to them:

  • “You’ve got past this before, you’ll get past it again.”
  • “I’m here for you.”
  • “Remember to (do things that has helped them before).”

4. They may never go to psychiatristanxiety is often ignored and untreated

The shocking facts are:

  • 2/3 adults don’t treat their anxiety.
  • Only 1 of 5 teens treat their anxiety.

So, when you recently married someone with anxiety, you should ask him “have you ever go to psychiatrist before?”.

5. They need to be understood

6 suicide happen in Australia everyday, many victims have anxiety disorder.6 people in australia commit suicide anxiety disorder

Anxious people are different from us. They often (falsely) jump to conclusion when talking (Fraley et al., 2006), having sleep disorder, eat disorder, and hyperactivity. Research even show that anxious people tend to smell everything stink (Krusemark & Li, 2013).

Don’t blame them, they already blamed themselves. They just can’t yet overcome their anxiety.

Instead, understand them, be supportive to them.

6. They love you toohow anxious people love

Believe it or not, they love you too. It’s just difficult for them to think about it because they have larger personal space (Sambo & Iannetti, 2013), which means that they are loner. They also have tons of thoughts inside their brain – anxious people tend to overthink.

Deep inside them, they love you.

At the end…

If you can’t love people with anxiety, just let them go. Life is too short, live the life you want.

But, if you can love them, remember what Lao Tzu said years ago:

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

-Lao Tzu

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Here is Why You’re Easily Stressed All The Time

We have two layers of mind: conscious and subconscious. They affect how we think, and most importantly, our mood. I will tell you how to consciously repair both your conscious and subconscious mind from things that make yourself easily stressed , and automatically make yourself yourself happier.

Hooked Thoughts

Hey, remember that assignment that must be submitted next month? or maybe that unrealistically big project you’re working on? thinking about them makes you stressed a little bit, right? I call these kind of thoughts as “hooked thoughts”. They tend to stay on our mind until we’re finished working on them.

That stressing effect when we think about them is a short term effect. It happens at our conscious mind. I think it’s okay because it literally reminds you of project that needs to be done.
But here’s the big problem…

Hooked thoughts actually hooks in our subconscious mind. They NEVER gone until we finish our project. If you’re a computer geek, here’s the analogy:
Our mind is just like computer’s RAM. What we’re working on and thinking about right now is considered as foreground apps. Other thoughts – Jimmy’s next week birthday, that math equation – are considered to be background apps, so does hooked thoughts.

The problem is, when other “background apps” are actually useful (we can remember Jimmy’s birthday, and that math equation), hooked thoughts tend to be pressuring and doing nothing useful. Hooked thoughts are just filling the RAM (our mind, I mean). They pressure us to do our task, but when we don’t do it, hooked thoughts are literally just pressuring without giving any benefit.

So how to get rid of these hooked thoughts?

Actually it’s simple to be said – do the task when your mind starts to think about that.

10 Signs of People with Anxiety + The Cures for Anxiety

Hello! Gum here.
Today, I (my name is Gum Fard, in case if you don’t know it yet) will guide you through this informative, roller-coaster list of reasons why people got anxiety.

The Philosophy

Have you got anxiety? Some people even got long-lasting anxiety (can be cured through therapy, etc.). Well, a good mechanic said:

Before we can fix a broken car, it’s good to know the sign which indicates that the car is broken.

This is somewhat same to our problem here:

Before we can fix anxiety, it’s good to know which sign that indicates anxiety. We want to know the sign, so we can know the reason, and so we can know what’s the rightest cure.

The List of Signs

After dealing with that philosophical things up there, we can now “deal” with the list:

  • People with anxiety are generally full of speculation. We know this from a scene in “2012” movie when the famous Dalai Lama told his student that his student is like a glass full of water. His student’s mind is full of speculation, and this is one of the cause of anxiety.
  • People with anxiety are often introvert. Lifting 90 kilos sandbag is better done with 5 people than one person; this is what I want to tell you. Introvert people are likely hide their personal problem so they face it alone. But there are times when we need others help, and that’s why introverts have bigger chances of anxiety than extroverts.
  • People with anxiety generally think too much. Depressed people hold too many thoughts than their mind can hold. This principal of depression is applicable to anxiety. Even some people got both depression and anxiety, unfortunately.
  • Almost all people with anxiety have weak mentality. People with weak mentality often regret the past; they often don’t have believe about something. Their everyday life becomes full of sadness.
  • People with anxiety are mostly uncertain about anything. People with anxiety don’t decide anything easily. They sometimes want an advice from others. They can’t naturally be a leader, entrepreneur, or anything that requires people with high level of leadership.
  • People with anxiety are not motivated enough. Anxiety usually starts when you don’t have daily quote, motivating people, and other things which can motivate you. People with anxiety that are not motivated like this become lazier and they become lonely. They become introverts, then they’re worrying about their life; this is the moment when anxiety usually starts.
  • Most people with anxiety don’t dream big. Most people with anxiety are non-believers. They don’t believe that things will work like what has been planned, Especially big things with big plans.
  • Some people with anxiety don’t believe life is beautiful. Some people with anxiety always regret what happened in their life. They believe that they are unlucky person who can’t life happily like others. They always wondering why god made them
  • Some people with anxiety don’t believe big dreams can be achieved. Some people with anxiety don’t dream big because they believe that big dreams are unachievable. They also believe that others’ big dreams are unachievable too.
  • Some people with anxiety don’t use logical thinking as much as others. Some people with anxiety just think; they think too much, they speculate too much, and they often don’t use any real example (what happened when other people have the same problem), and they even don’t use their common sense to think and speculate something. They just think.
  • The Fixes

    I don’t need to write the entire fixes; the fixes are all things that counter the signs.
    For example, if you don’t dream big, start dream big. If you speculate too much things, think and speculate less than you usually do.
    Just use your mind to see the opposite of the sign you are experiencing.

    Final Words

    I don’t say that people with anxiety will have all these 10 things.
    if you experience (some, or even all) signs above, start to fix yourself using the opposite of the sign you are experiencing.
    You can also check yourself to a doctor or psychologist (for anticipation), but I’m not recommend you to do that, because that’s a waste of time and money.
    By the way, thank you for reading. Please share, and ask anything via comment!

Dealing with Anxiety: Don’t Go to Psychiatrist! Because…

Hello guys! Gum here.

Yep, before giving the answer of “because…”, I will tell you a story. Unfortunately, you’re the main character.

One day…

You’re lying on your bed right now, doing nothing, just thinking about your life like every other jobless person does.

dealing with anxiety
taken from deviantart

Then you remember how difficult your life is: joining embarrassing soccer club, not living in luxury, few friends also call you “weirdos”, that’s just too much for you. Then you’re asking yourself weird things that could happen, like “how mad my ex-boyfriend is after our relationship broken yesterday?”.

Then your heart pumps quicker. You feel dizzy. You almost slipped when you’re trying to stand up from your bed.

dealing with anxiety
also taken from deviantart

“Breathing is difficult” as you feel now. And you’re trying to find aspirin or morphine or anything you can find inside the first aid box–congratulation, you’ve got anxiety; or scientifically known as Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

Then surely lots of people around you, including psychology websites trying to tell you that you need therapy or medication or, in my language: time-and-money-wasting method to cure anxiety that doesn’t always work.

What psychologists suggestion for you?

Psychologists are cheaper than psychiatrists because they just commonly have to talk. First, they will talk you personally, you explain what’s your problem, they understand, they tell you the solution–and of course, psychological solution only.

When they’re mainly just talk and talk and talk, I’ve seen how they communicate, I’ve seen some of their websites and journals–and to be honest, most of them are as wise as Buddha, Jesus, and Muhammad.

So what’s these talkative, wise people called psychologists, suggest to you?
– Anxiety is mostly just fear.
– Stop trying to take negative conclusion of anything in your life.
– Never try to change what you can’t change.
– Never regret anything happens in the past.
– The soccer club you’re joining isn’t embarrassing, it’s okay if few friends call you “weirdos”, and many people are not living in luxury–these negative thoughts are just coming from your mind, try to reverse them, and you’ll be better.


Well, I can’t say that these suggestions from those wise man will work like a charm for everyone. Just try to follow these suggestions, when it doesn’t really work on you, you’ll need to meet a psychiatrist.

You’re not an anxious person as long as you…

are a confident person who confidently raise your hand and talk.
So please share your thoughts and ideas, I’m sure you are a genius with brilliant ideas and thoughts.

dealing with anxiety and raise your hand
this one was taken from flickr

I will surely reply to every single of your thoughts and ideas, and even “hi!”.

So, well…
Thanks for reading!

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