6 Most Important Things to Remember When You Love Someone with Anxiety

6 most important things to remember when you love someone with anxiety

Have you ever think about this?

Imagine your loved ones sitting on the sofa with shaking hands and sweating forehead, and you don’t know what to do.anxiety is the most common mental disorder

This might not happen to you. But, anxiety is the most common mental disorder in US – with 10% of teens and 40% of adults suffering from anxiety, the possibility is endless.

So, here is your cheat sheet. most important things to remember when you love someone with anxiety:

1. They also think that anxiety is pointless

We think that feeling anxious is irrational and pointless, and we’re trying to tell this to anxious person. The fact is, they knew this already.

Telling this to them only makes thing worse, they will blame themselves. Understand that knowing this doesn’t help them overcome their anxiety.

2. They get tired easily

Although classified as mental disorder, anxiety is physically tiring. Anxious people are always on alert, their mind and body are constantly on hyper tense state. Anxiety symptoms like rapid heartbeat and short breath cause physical tiring too.

Ever had a stressful workweek when you feel “can I take a break?”

That’s how anxious people live their life.


Study found that although resting reduces anxiety, it doesn’t help against stressful event (Smith, 2013). Instead, light, everyday exercise does.


3. Asking “are you okay?” to them is useless

Asking “are you okay?” to a person with shaking hands, sweating body, and rapid heartbeat is useless because you already know the answer: no.

You can instead say this to them:

  • “You’ve got past this before, you’ll get past it again.”
  • “I’m here for you.”
  • “Remember to (do things that has helped them before).”

4. They may never go to psychiatristanxiety is often ignored and untreated

The shocking facts are:

  • 2/3 adults don’t treat their anxiety.
  • Only 1 of 5 teens treat their anxiety.

So, when you recently married someone with anxiety, you should ask him “have you ever go to psychiatrist before?”.

5. They need to be understood

6 suicide happen in Australia everyday, many victims have anxiety disorder.6 people in australia commit suicide anxiety disorder

Anxious people are different from us. They often (falsely) jump to conclusion when talking (Fraley et al., 2006), having sleep disorder, eat disorder, and hyperactivity. Research even show that anxious people tend to smell everything stink (Krusemark & Li, 2013).

Don’t blame them, they already blamed themselves. They just can’t yet overcome their anxiety.

Instead, understand them, be supportive to them.

6. They love you toohow anxious people love

Believe it or not, they love you too. It’s just difficult for them to think about it because they have larger personal space (Sambo & Iannetti, 2013), which means that they are loner. They also have tons of thoughts inside their brain – anxious people tend to overthink.

Deep inside them, they love you.

At the end…

If you can’t love people with anxiety, just let them go. Life is too short, live the life you want.

But, if you can love them, remember what Lao Tzu said years ago:

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

-Lao Tzu

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Here is Why You’re Easily Stressed All The Time

We have two layers of mind: conscious and subconscious. They affect how we think, and most importantly, our mood. I will tell you how to consciously repair both your conscious and subconscious mind from things that make yourself easily stressed , and automatically make yourself yourself happier.

Hooked Thoughts

Hey, remember that assignment that must be submitted next month? or maybe that unrealistically big project you’re working on? thinking about them makes you stressed a little bit, right? I call these kind of thoughts as “hooked thoughts”. They tend to stay on our mind until we’re finished working on them.

That stressing effect when we think about them is a short term effect. It happens at our conscious mind. I think it’s okay because it literally reminds you of project that needs to be done.
But here’s the big problem…

Hooked thoughts actually hooks in our subconscious mind. They NEVER gone until we finish our project. If you’re a computer geek, here’s the analogy:
Our mind is just like computer’s RAM. What we’re working on and thinking about right now is considered as foreground apps. Other thoughts – Jimmy’s next week birthday, that math equation – are considered to be background apps, so does hooked thoughts.

The problem is, when other “background apps” are actually useful (we can remember Jimmy’s birthday, and that math equation), hooked thoughts tend to be pressuring and doing nothing useful. Hooked thoughts are just filling the RAM (our mind, I mean). They pressure us to do our task, but when we don’t do it, hooked thoughts are literally just pressuring without giving any benefit.

So how to get rid of these hooked thoughts?

Actually it’s simple to be said – do the task when your mind starts to think about that.

How to Hide Your Anxiety and Socialize with Others Like Normal

Hello guys, Gum here (don’t you bored with me?).

I think anxiety is just like gallons of water flowing inside a water pump — it can be delayed (by closing the valve) and the flow can be continued when we want. This is maybe true for some people, and maybe not for others. The key is the pump valve — the valve that consists of only one thing: living in the present. But, how can we make this valve? How can we delay the flow of anxiety in our pipe of mind?

Well, let’s see how.

There are many ways to hide anxiety, but I have mentioned 4 things that are easy to implement below:

  • Bring private music anywhere. If you don’t have any conversation partner (maybe you’re in the car or somewhere), you can just bring a Walkman plus a headphone with you. Don’t forget to bring your favorite music playlists. Then, listen to them, and sing with them, just like you’re watching a concert. This is the most enjoyable way to live in the present.
  • Analyze many things close to you. Have you ever read Sherlock Holmes books? They’re all talking about how great Sherlock’s deductive ability is. You can impersonate his habit, constantly analyzing. Maybe a blue matte-colored helmet with lots of scratches, and oh god! there are few cracks around the helmet! Analyzing things is fun, and you can even come up with a conclusion like “this helmet may have participated in a motorcycle crash show”, or something like that.
  • Listen to others’ saying well. First, I have told you that people will like you if you listen to whatever they’re talking well. Second, listening well to others’ saying helps you live in the present and it increases your concentration. When other people near you are talking, listen to them carefully, you can then say some comments, and even helpful suggestions automatically.
  • Keep the conversation going. If you’re in a group of people, and no one talks, there is a big chance where you can worry about something. So what you need to do is to start the conversation. Talk about trending topic, or even recount old topic, then ask what do your friends think. This will keep you live in the present.

Actually…

This is the best tips: you can choose to not to hide your anxiety to get in with your friend. Just be yourself. You can even tell your friend that you got anxiety, and that’s even more recommended than to hide your anxiety.

That’s all from me, remember that, I’m not a therapist, psychologist, expert, or something. I just a boy who has a willingness to learn. So please share your tips if you have one.
Thanks for reading!

6 Things You Need to Know When Dealing with Anxiety in Children

dealing with anxiety in children header
Background source: Maruzza

Hello guys, Gum here.
Dealing with anxiety in children is far harder than anxiety in teens. Children don’t understand things easily, some of them don’t even know what panic is, which is an important phrase in medical psychology world.

Before knowing 6 ways to deal with anxiety in children, you must know things that distinguish children from other ages of people, and here they are:

  • Children often use imagination.
  • Children don’t know much.
  • The outside world is still a new thing to children.

Now, let’s see 6 ways to deal with anxiety in children:

  • Tell them others’ similar anxiety stories. Of course these stories must have a good ending (a.k.a. things they’re worrying didn’t happen anyway). And please notice the similarity of the story with what happens to your children. Children more likely interested to hear stories with same location, and same condition; rather than stories with different place from where they are now.
    Why? Because their highly-imaginative mind can create a parrying statement to what you’ve said. For example, if you told a good-ending anxiety story of a boy with exactly same condition with your boy, but the story takes place in Philadelphia; your boy can create a parrying statement like “but he lives in Philadelphia, and I’m in Iowa. What happened to him will never happens to me”.

    dealing anxiety in children
    Source: WIkipedia
  • Be close to them, but don’t treat them like you’re the only person who cares about them. Do you know some kids who are crying in their really first day of school? Why are they crying? Because they think the only people who cares about them are their parents, whom they don’t see in the class. And in some cases, these kids don’t have any friends before their first day of school, which can be really stressful for them.
  • Listen to their “this is how my day going…”, and really, be a good listener. Everyone in this world love someone who listen when they speak, so do children. Listen carefully to what they’re speaking, and ask some questions (not interrogative questions, just easy-to-answer questions) about what they said before.

    Dealing with anxiety in children activities
    Source: Fotopedia
  • Introduce them to some new activities. The key to relieve from anxiety is to live in the present. Having many hobbies distracts children from their imaginary thoughts.
  • Let them make friends, treat them like normal kids. Please, never bring a big first aid box anywhere near your kids; they don’t like that. Instead, you can see them from a far place (with first aid box ready), and see them happily make new friends; really, it’s a great feeling.

    Some Tips from Me

    I have some tips to deal with anxiety in children:

      • Never let them watch horror and thriller movies.
      • Never make yourself looks “violent” and “harmful” to them.
      • Don’t talk about their future (jobs, etc.) until they become teens.
      • Never stress them with any target made by yourself, they choose what they want.

    Final Words

    Well, concluded 6 ways to deal with anxiety in children are:
    – Tell them others’ similar anxiety stories
    – Don’t position yourself as the only person who cares about them
    – Be a good listener
    – Give them some hobbies
    – Treat them like normal kids
    These are the ways, do these seem right? Do you disagree with some of them? Write your thoughts, experiences, anything.

    dealing anxiety with children quotes
    Source: Academic Concepts

    Regards, Gum Fard.