6 Most Important Things to Remember When You Love Someone with Anxiety

6 most important things to remember when you love someone with anxiety

Have you ever think about this?

Imagine your loved ones sitting on the sofa with shaking hands and sweating forehead, and you don’t know what to do.anxiety is the most common mental disorder

This might not happen to you. But, anxiety is the most common mental disorder in US – with 10% of teens and 40% of adults suffering from anxiety, the possibility is endless.

So, here is your cheat sheet. most important things to remember when you love someone with anxiety:

1. They also think that anxiety is pointless

We think that feeling anxious is irrational and pointless, and we’re trying to tell this to anxious person. The fact is, they knew this already.

Telling this to them only makes thing worse, they will blame themselves. Understand that knowing this doesn’t help them overcome their anxiety.

2. They get tired easily

Although classified as mental disorder, anxiety is physically tiring. Anxious people are always on alert, their mind and body are constantly on hyper tense state. Anxiety symptoms like rapid heartbeat and short breath cause physical tiring too.

Ever had a stressful workweek when you feel “can I take a break?”

That’s how anxious people live their life.


Study found that although resting reduces anxiety, it doesn’t help against stressful event (Smith, 2013). Instead, light, everyday exercise does.


3. Asking “are you okay?” to them is useless

Asking “are you okay?” to a person with shaking hands, sweating body, and rapid heartbeat is useless because you already know the answer: no.

You can instead say this to them:

  • “You’ve got past this before, you’ll get past it again.”
  • “I’m here for you.”
  • “Remember to (do things that has helped them before).”

4. They may never go to psychiatristanxiety is often ignored and untreated

The shocking facts are:

  • 2/3 adults don’t treat their anxiety.
  • Only 1 of 5 teens treat their anxiety.

So, when you recently married someone with anxiety, you should ask him “have you ever go to psychiatrist before?”.

5. They need to be understood

6 suicide happen in Australia everyday, many victims have anxiety disorder.6 people in australia commit suicide anxiety disorder

Anxious people are different from us. They often (falsely) jump to conclusion when talking (Fraley et al., 2006), having sleep disorder, eat disorder, and hyperactivity. Research even show that anxious people tend to smell everything stink (Krusemark & Li, 2013).

Don’t blame them, they already blamed themselves. They just can’t yet overcome their anxiety.

Instead, understand them, be supportive to them.

6. They love you toohow anxious people love

Believe it or not, they love you too. It’s just difficult for them to think about it because they have larger personal space (Sambo & Iannetti, 2013), which means that they are loner. They also have tons of thoughts inside their brain – anxious people tend to overthink.

Deep inside them, they love you.

At the end…

If you can’t love people with anxiety, just let them go. Life is too short, live the life you want.

But, if you can love them, remember what Lao Tzu said years ago:

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

-Lao Tzu

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Here is What Anxious People Can Learn from Charismatic One

Wonder how charismatic people have so much friends, and even followers? Why are they never look in fear? Why are they always walk in confidence? Why are they behave like “everything will be alright”?

Here are the answers.

1. They Believe

People get anxious when uncertainty comes. Things they believe in starts to fade out. “Am I do the right thing?” question starts wandering around their mind. Yeah, this kind of question is wandering around everyone’s mind, but the charismatic one can handle it and stay believing.

Charismatic people believe in anything they think right. They believe what they’re doing right now are right (even if it doesn’t in some others’ perspectives), they believe in their belief, they believe in themselves.

They have that spirit, that confidence to stay believing even if it doesn’t seems right.

‘Cause nothing in this world is truly right, and uncertainty is always wandering around everything. So stay believing.

2. They have Realistic Goal

Three weeks ago you’ve set a target for yourself: “I will be a millionaire in a month”. Now you only have one week, and you don’t even have $1000. If you don’t re-evaluate your goal and forcing yourself to achieve it, you’ll get depressed and anxious.

set realistic life goal
from sani-salim.com

Charismatic people tend to set systematic and realistic goal. It must be measurable and reachable. Instead of setting a “one million in a month” goal, they instead set “$5000 million in a month”.

They know how to set a goal that makes them great (‘cause they’ll have $5000 next month) without pressuring them too much. They can organize their time and effort.

They set goal that doesn’t break their mind. That lets them live in peace and confident, because they know that their dream is achievable as long as they put enough effort and know how to achieve it.

3. They Don’t Care Much

Have you ever imagine when people talk about your appearance? Sounds a little bit scary, right?

A charismatic person will say “no, it isn’t scary”.

don't care much
from veracode.com

Charismatic people care, yes, they care – for anything that makes them improving. They don’t care about negative image people have about them. They just live confidently and don’t care about others that try to make them down.

4. They are Enthusiastic

Know that silent, lazy, and “looks-scary” people? We should call them “living dead”.

Charismatic people almost always look enthusiastic. They have the spirit in everything they do, in every of their conversation. That’s why charismatic people are always followed by others.

Enthusiasm is contagious.

5. They have Passion

One of the best way to get more friends, stay out from being introvert, and get a little fame is to have a passion. Choose a thing you really like and put your enthusiasm into it. Join community, learn about it more, and eventually be an expert. You’ll then get respected by others, and this is what charismatic people do.

So simply, be a person that have faith, enthusiastic, and confident.

What to Do to Prevent Anxiety

how to prevent anxiety

Every person on this planet mostly seeks fixes, how to repair something that have already broken – how to deal with anxiety, for example. But don’t we want to know how to prevent that anxiety itself from happening?

Honestly, I think anxiety isn’t a mental illness. Every single of us felt anxious sometimes, right? It’s when this anxious feeling becomes more often and often. I should unfortunately said that it becomes a habit. This is when ordinary anxiety becomes a mental illness – and like every illness, there are something we can do to prevent anxiety.

Don’t Force Yourself

Why are you become so anxious? You can’t jump 1.5 meters high? You can’t run as fast as your friends do? Can’t finish your work within 2 days? The reality is, you’re forcing yourself.

You want something you can’t achieve right now, and you’re forcing yourself so hard. Your mind will automatically forced to think about what you want too. It’s just like forcing a Volkswagen to run at 300 mph – its engine gets overheated slowly, then it burned out. The same thing applies to your mind – when you’re forcing yourself so hard, you won’t feel anxious at first, but then you’ll reach higher point of anxiety and higher and higher and higher and your mind will experience GAD (General Anxiety Disorder), its a form of anxiety that experienced often and often.

So I think you shouldn’t force yourself to achieve anything you want. Yeah, of course everybody dreams, but have a dream that is measurable and logic – that you can logically achieve within the time you have.

“Not having a dream is a shameful thing. Having crazy dream can drive you crazy.”

Be Grateful with What You Have

“Why can’t I have that pink dress? That shiny gold ring? That glass shoes? You have a pink gown you’ve got at your 16th birthday. You have that silver ring given by your beloved boyfriend. You have that pair of green sneakers, and your boyfriend has the same sneakers too, you’re a couple!”

Is it difficult to be grateful with what you have?

Anxiety becomes more and more dangerous when you have more thoughts wandering around your mind. Forgetting about things you want to have loosen up lots of space in your mind. So, yes, this fortunately helps.

“One of our biggest fault: When we look to our life, we often forgot to say ‘thanks god’.”

Never Lose in What You’re Believe in

Most anxieties happened when we’re starting to lose what we are believing. For example, at first, you thought that you can win this football match, but when the match is only 2 days from now, you started to lose what you believe. You started worrying about “how if I don’t win?”, and this is when anxiety happened most.

So never lose in what you are believing or your mind will be poisoned with uncertainty that leads to anxiousness. Just believe and believe and believe.

Tell Others about Your Worries

Wonder why psychologists exist? Because we are social creatures. We need social engagement, we need someone to listen to our problems and worries. We need someone to give opinion, or even solution to our problem. This is because when the problem is our own problem, we’re the one who trapped in the maze, who can’t see anything except walls and ways. Other people have a bird eye view of it – so they will give us a good solution for our problem, the one which helps us get out from the maze.

Note: If you don’t have anyone to tell your problem, you can contact me at Kik. My username is gummythings.

Okay guys thanks for reading! After all, we just need to be a faithful and social person.

Sincerely, Gum.